Ask the Grass Cutter 12’s: An Advice Column

Jagmeet Singh is the proud champion of the Grass Cutter 12’s, a pair of athletic shoes forged 3000 years ago on the planet of Malkior 7 by the ancient Malkior blood tribes using their secret blood rituals. Jagmeet claims they are “nigh indestructible and “they can also control the fabric of the universe itself.” Jagmeet has humbly allowed the avonewsonline staff to work with the 12’s on a special advice column. All students are welcome to leave questions in the comment box. All answers are opinions solely from the 12’s and not representative of the avonewsonline staff.

I’m an underclassmen. How do I get Seniors to notice me?
It is always good to know to never ask fish to catch fish but to ask the fisherman. I’m just going out on a limb in saying that you are a freshman. Step 1 don’t be loud, and don’t become a part of the human proxy.

My girlfriend won’t text me back. What do?
First make sure she is your girlfriend. Then see if she has any fingers. Most importantly of all make certain that she is not attracted to Jagmeet “The Wolf” Singh (as is common) for if she is, your girlfriend will never come back. If nothing else send her a letter, move on, or just talk to her in person.

I keep forgetting to do my homework. Have any suggestions?
On Malkior 7 we judge suggestions based on the fabric of the universe itself. But you, you should brush your teeth, don’t do drugs, take a shower, wash your clothes, sleep on time every night, keep your day-job, and stay in school kid, ya gunnna need it.

I’ve having trouble getting enough sleep on school nights. Any advice?
You can try crying. Or be like me, try to control the fabric of the universe itself.

Share on Facebook0Share on Google+0Pin on Pinterest0Email this to someonePrint this pageShare on Reddit0Share on Tumblr0Tweet about this on Twitter
2 Comments
  1. I think this advice column is really funny and makes the content of this website more varied. Try to get more people to notice the column!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *