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Students today encountered many issues in regards to tardiness in their classes. As a matter of fact, most students were showing up late to classes by an hour and ten minutes! “How is this possible?” you ask. Avonworth High School is stuck in an interdimensional time paradox.
Perhaps you noticed people with third eyes? Or maybe second heads protruding from collar bones at an astonishing forty-five degree angle forcing students to engage in deep, heated arguments with themselves? It’s quite possible that you saw a mysterious four-armed biped strolling down the hallway menacingly snarling as you walked past and accidentally stepped on his invisible tail.
No matter what the strange occurrence, it is a result of the hour and ten minute difference in time between our dimension and the one our school is currently contacting. Simply put, our school rests on top of a zipper in the space-time continuum, and the zipper is open. The temporal fly is down, so to speak. When temporal zippers open, strange things enter our dimension. Typically, we never encounter these creatures as they live, in relation to the whole universe, exactly one hour and eight minutes ahead of us. This time difference means that we would never interact. But when the temporal zipper opens, time becomes an even more abstract concept and confuses the universe, thus resulting in the merger of dimensions temporarily.
School officials say that they are working in conjunction with Sa’Graf the Fleet-footed Dancer of Alquatz 3 to zip the zipper back up and cut off ties with the fourth dimension once more.
“I look forward to a day when our people can work together,” said Sa’Graf, “but today is not that day. I don’t think our kind are ready to deal with such ugly…I mean foreign creatures.”
If you wish to abandon your friends and family and experience the wonderful world of the v-axis, the temporal zipper will be open until 12 am on March 29. Hurry up if you’d like to live on Alquatz 3, and remember to bring a helmet—it rains strawberries there. 
Austin, once again you proudly display your intellectual creativity and wit. Amen to your talent!
I really enjoyed this article. It provided a humorous feel while still trying to convey a message about tardiness. It was interesting to read more of a funny article about a reoccurring subject! Great work!
Really love how he incorporated humor within the story. I know I had trouble with getting to class on time this day.