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Abdul’s cooking

Before my parents officially became the legal guardians of Abdul Wahab, he would often come over to our house to hangout and get to know everyone better. One thing he repeatedly told me is how skillful of a cook he was, which I was reluctant to believe. Mainly due to my belief that he wouldn’t have had much time to cook or learn how to cook while on his journey to America. However, I soon learned that in African cultures, it is quite normal for children to pick up cooking early, to take on the responsibility of preparing meals for their family. So when Abdul became part of our family, we planned to let him showcase his cooking skills by preparing a dish for the family dinner. He expressed the desire to go to the African market in the strip district that he would prefer to go to for the ingredients for his dish. Although I can’t recall the specific date he cooked for us, it was quite the memorable day. He went to the African market to buy the ingredients he wanted and his choice of meat was goat. This surprised me due to it not being a meat that is regularly eaten in my family. It took him 3 to 4 hours to prepare his stew, the smell of the stew couldn’t be described to be less than divine. However, when we first tasted the meal my family was taken back by the spiciness, which was almost overpowering to our palates. Despite this, we found ourselves enjoying the meal. Personally, I have no tolerance for red sauce and it tends to make me feel unwell. Unfortunately this dish’s main sauce used was red sauce, out of respect for Abdul’s efforts I still ate it even though I knew it would make me sick. Understanding my aversion to red sauce Abdul understands that dishes he makes with red sauce won’t appeal to me and he has begun to use alternative sauces. In addition to these thoughtful adjustments, he has also started preparing lunches and my favorite by far was the ramen he makes. These have undoubtedly been some of the most delicious meals I’ve ever tasted and I hope he continues to cook for us.

I think something that is very interesting to get perspective on in Abdul’s life in Ghana and the dreams he had there compared to in america. Abdul tells me how many children by the age of 13 dropout of school to start working to provide for their families. Very rarely did men make it all the way through school before getting full time jobs.Abdul told me he stopped going to school in Ghana right before his 13th birthday due to the stress it was causing him. In Ghana teachers are legally allowed to physically punish students and this led Abdul to drop out of school altogether. Abdul’s sister was lucky enough to make it all the way through highschool and even through college receiving a degree. This is a great achievement for his family and I imagine he is very proud of her accomplishment. Abdul told me yesterday that he was working in pubs in Ghana as a 15 year old as late as 2am which is legal in ghana. I think it was quite a shock to him when I told him that he couldn’t serve drinks in any restaurant in America until the age of 21.This difference stops dreams from flourishing in ghana. Abdul told me that one of the only dreams that kids can chase in Ghana is becoming a pro soccer player. Abdul wanted to become a pro soccer player or a UFC fighter before leaving the country. Now that Abdul has come to America my family has pushed for him to stay in school and go to college. His dream is now to become a nurse and assist old people through their later years of life. It is sad that if Abdul had not come to America he could have possibly just worked in bars and restaurants the rest of his life. I hope many other children in Ghana can find ways to get back into school and pursue a brighter future.

I never really considered the challenges of understanding American teenage behavior and communication compared to other countries until Abdul became a part of our family. Now, I am trying to help him gain perspective on fitting in better so he won’t feel left out and understanding the differences in America. I think one of the biggest things I have recently been trying to explain to Abdul is how people will manipulate your words to portray you negatively or in the wrong. This is something teenagers often encounter throughout highschool, and I want him to be aware of this because it can happen to anyone. Abdul is a genuinely kind and well respected individual, and I could never see him saying something ill minded and rude. That is precisely why I am emphasizing the importance of being cautious about what he posts and says, so that his true character shines through. Much of this came as a shock to Abdul, he says occurrences like this are very rare in Ghana, and he is taken aback by the idea of people doing this to someone. Abdul also expressed cultural shock regarding the differences between the school systems in America compared to Ghana. He remarked that American schools encourage students to attend daily and actively engage by asking questions to further their knowledge. Which is a stark contrast to Ghana where students risk physical punishment for enquiring too much. The strict disciplinary measures in Ghana led Abdul to drop out of school at the young age of 15 years old to pursue work. He found it surprising that in America, it is illegal for children to not receive education, and parents are obligated to provide some form of schooling to their children. Abdul welcomes this change, he expressed appreciation for the opportunity to attend school without the fear of physical punishments. He now enjoys the freedom to learn and interact with his friends without the threat of physical repercussions.

I think one of the most important reasons we adopted Abdul Wahab is so that we can make sure he gets into college. This is obviously a difficult task as he didn’t pursue school in Ghana and now has to catch up with students in the United States. It would be easiest for my parents and I to just give him answers on homework and do essays for him, but would this help him progress? It would not so the right answer is allowing for him to productively struggle while working towards the answer. I’ll give him credit for working incredibly hard in school and spending a lot of time on homework in his room. Another example of something I needed to allow him to plan and do by himself was prom planning. Abdul was out of school during the week when the tickets were being sold so I had to buy that for him, but when asked what table he would sit at I decided to allow him to manage and figure out where and who he will sit with. This honestly caused me a little bit of stress. I was really worried that Abdul would feel left out and not be able to sit with his friends. This worrying was for nothing though Abdul said he had so much fun and was able to sit with all his friends that night. This proved to me that it was worth it allowing Abdul to figure out different aspects of life. Like my chem teacher says failure is one of the best ways to learn and allowing someone to fail is okay. I hope Abdul can continue to thrive in life and make it through college while excelling. It worries me since he will be alone and have no family once he goes, but I believe he will make the most of it.

Through my passion for soccer over the years I have gotten extremely competitive in all aspects of the sport. This has led to a temper rising if players aren’t performing or putting in the effort that they should. Obviously I shouldn’t yell at my teammates and it is something I am actively working to prevent. Recently I got on Abdul about trying harder in practice which I regret now because it caused a lot of tension between me and Abdul. The criticism only made his work effort worse and caused him to lose passion for soccer. I never want to do this to him again. He is my brother and doesn’t deserve any hate towards him. I think this was my biggest learning point on how feedback needs to be delivered and now I work towards creating healthy relationships with every teammate I have. To give criticism you must compliment someone’s game first. I learned this from Abdul. Now that Abdul has become part of my family I have begun to notice people who speak down on him all only because of his race. This comes as a surprise to me. I have always heard of racism and stereotypes but never recognized it in real life. Throughout our soccer season we had crooked refs and racist fans that would treat him less than themselves just because of his race. Now when I recognize these racist remarks I call people out on it and make them understand why it is not okay. Abdul is making me a better person by just being in my household. I now think I got out of my way more often to help people than I did before. I thank abdul for making me more mature and a nicer person as I go through high school.