Jagmeet Singh is the proud champion of the Grass Cutter 12’s, a pair of athletic shoes forged 3000 years ago on the planet of Malkior 7 by the ancient Malkior blood tribes using their secret blood rituals. Jagmeet claims they are “nigh indestructible and “they can also control the fabric of the universe itself.” Jagmeet has humbly allowed the avonewsonline staff to work with the 12’s on a special advice column. All students are welcome to leave questions in the comment box. All answers are opinions solely from the 12’s and not representative of the avonewsonline staff.
This guy just friend zoned me what should I do?
Well all you have to do is friend zone him back. Who knows some guys like a challenge. Probably the best way to get out of the friend zone is to become more attractive. As an all powerful and transcendent shoe I would tell you that you need to focus on the game not the players.
Dear Grass Cutter 12s I am moving to Mexico can you teach me Spanish?
Back in my day we didn’t have this Spanish. Anyway, a good idea is to make sure you always keep the hotdog on your shoulder. The hot dog is a good way to not get robbed by hungry people because they will just take the hotdog and leave you alone. The hotdog is also a symbol of camaraderie in the multiverses.
I forgot my question do you know what it is?
I will treat this as a rhetorical question because I know you are just trying to mess with me. My question is why do you think you are funny? Since you don’t have a question I will make one up for you “Dear Grass Cutters why don’t I have any friends?” You don’t have any friends because you never stop annoying people with your stupid questions. Listen Jagmeet I know you are the one who asked this question, and I don’t think it’s funny.
Grass Cutters I heard heelys are coming back what will you do to establish yourself as the dominant shoe race?
Only a fool doubts my power. These heelys have got nothing on me, it is only by my pity that they continue to exist. I am not concerned in the slightest I need only to rebirth myself with some wheels if I wanted to. One time I decided to become an entire galaxy but I soon found out it is really hard to walk with the galaxy beneath your feet.
Dear Grass Cutters my brackets are all screwed up and I owe a lot of money how can I get away with not paying back?
Listen buddy and listen clear I will tell you what you need to hear. Go in search of the Loan Sharks. Some people believe that the loan sharks are humans but they are wrong. The Loan Sharks can be kind and they can be cruel just ask them “for some cash dawg.”
I can’t stop the Loan Sharks from doing what they do but if you are rad enough you will get your money for a fee. If you can manage to reach the land of the clouds the Poof Poof people may give you a Philly Cheese Steak, and if you eat it you will momentarily forget your debt. If it really gets bad take the Philly Cheese Steak, and throw it at your friend’s face and he will forget about the money you owe him.