“Hey Jason, guess what?” Amadeus exclaimed sarcastically as he crumpled up an unsigned permission slip for the Hoopsters. Today there is no basketball, not that their would be much of a team with the rather mysterious disappearance of Owen and Matt.

No, today is not about “hooping around” but instead a different goal: print an acceptance letter for the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute Academy (UPCIA).

After a tough battle with the computer Deus finally managed to prevail and print his UPICIA acceptance letter. After discovering that the acronym for the¬†University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute Academy is “uppykia” Deus stated, “uppykia is not a thing.”

Deus after obtaining his acceptance letter, set off to find an allusive stapler.” We checked the cafeteria, but to our dismay no stapler appeared. To quote Deus, “We have not yet found the stapler, but we will not go quietly into the night.”

After trying his luck at a few locations around the school, Deus received an anonymous tip that there existed a hidden stapler in locker 65. The tip turned out to be correct and amazing Deus was able to complete his goal and return to Mr. Mancini’s eighth-period study hall. When I asked Deus how he felt about his accomplishment, he stated, “What happened to teenagers?”

We sat down at the usual Hoopster Table, and discussed the¬†University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute Academy. The UPICIA is a program that occurs over the summer for “academically extraordinary high school students.” Once there an individual conducts research about cancer and operates with cutting-edge technology. “I attended the program last and enjoyed it so much that I am going back.” At this point, Jason snickered, and Deus remarked, “What is so funny Jason?” Jason had no further comment on the exchange. “America has no future.” -Amadeus Stern.

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