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Friday, May 1st was Avonworth’s 2026 prom. For the current senior class, this is the final school dance of our lives. Unfortunately for us, there was a devastating, truly disheartening absence that has us still mourning almost a week later. You may want to sit down for this. If you’re already sitting, go ahead and lay down so you don’t fall out of your chair.
There was no Pitbull.
Yes, you read that right. None at all. It’s okay. Take a deep breath.
Pitbull – Mr. Worldwide – has been a school dance staple since the dawn of time (early 2010s). None of us can imagine a world where the hype is created by someone other than a weird, bald guy who kind of speaks Spanish. This horrific lack of Pitbull at the 2026 Prom has been described as “buns” by many students across Avonworth. In fact, we in particular are some of the most dedicated, hardcore fans who listen to three Pitbull songs every six months. After all, if a Pitbull fell in the woods and there was no AHS student to hear it, did he really fall?
I think we all can agree that this is arguably unforgivable. This had the power to potentially invalidate the entire prom– it’s not just “The DJ sucked” or “he didn’t play this banger.” It’s PITBULL!!! I say we demand a full YouTube-level apology, tissue box and all. After all, research shows that Pitbull = space/time continuum. (Why are there two u’s in “continuum?!?!?!?!”)
“They didn’t play Mr. 305, so that made me Mr. I’d-Rather-Die,” said Paxon Masters, Avonworth’s 2026 Prom King. “And you can quote me on that.”
